I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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