I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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