even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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