I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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