so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
