Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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