i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
