dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
