i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
