I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
