i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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