Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
