Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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