apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
