Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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