Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
