got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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