First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
