if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
