My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
