She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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