i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
