I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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