I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
