Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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