is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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