if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
