It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
