youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
