Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
