Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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