I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
