Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
