were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
