Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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