SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
