I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
