so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
