Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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