I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
