If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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