we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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