Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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