i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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