garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
