It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
