I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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