ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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