I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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