I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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