Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
