I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what day is it and did you see me today?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
