fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
