Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize