I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
