I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
