apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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