also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
