im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
