Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
is that a dick in a sweater?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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