Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
