Cold hands, warm shart.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
