It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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