we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
