ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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