She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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