we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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