An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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