Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
