I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think i have two assholes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
