I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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